Beautiful on the inside.

"When someone calls another person ugly, all I see is the person in front of me that's saying it become instantly less beautiful." DitaVon Teese

Dita twittered this a few days ago and I was just thinking about how much this speaks to me. Why exactly, as women do we feel the need to attack other women? Especially when it comes to appearance. Ladies, talk to me. Don't we already have enough on our plate? Juggling jobs, families, school, all the while trying to look beautiful feel good about ourselves and some how retain our sanity. Why oh why do we feel the need to call each other out on so called "faults." Is it because we feel insecure? Is it because we're trying to impress our friends, our boyfriends, our husbands, our family? Or is because we really truly feel that way and we feel the need to just say what comes to mind?

This hits home for me because I have been dealing with insecurity my whole life, so I have fallen victim to my own insecure self and have said hurtful things about another girl. I never meant what I said and said it in a hurtful manner to make myself feel better because growing up, I was always chubby. I was always told I was chubby. I was always told "you need to do sit ups," ask "are you watching what you're eating", tell me what not to eat, or had someone close to me pinch my tummy. The most hurtful things come from the people who are closest to you, who probably don't realize what they are saying is hurtful. I refuse to let the cycle continue. I refuse to pinch my nieces thighs and tell her "maybe you should put that frappachino down." I want her to know that she is beautiful the way she is, and to project that onto other girls and to be supportive of other girls so that she doesn't grow up to see how some girls and women can be. Evil, catty and just down right mean.

From now on, I'm going to use the negative to push me forward. The more you tell me I'm fat, the more you tell me I'm wrong, the more you tell me I shouldn't eat that, the more you tell me I can't do that, the more it will push me. The more I'll want to succeed to be better. To be better than what you think I am. To be better than you are. I know who I am and I may not be where I want to be but damn it, I'm striving to get there and I have accomplished so much in the past few months that most people wish they could have accomplished in their whole life. I think I deserve a "you go girl" for that.